


Not Worth the Money

by riot3672



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Babysitting, Caught, Daddy Kink, Doggy Style, F/M, Fluff and Smut, For a second, Meddling Kids, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Sibling Incest, Twincest, preteens are the worst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 10:48:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5045407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riot3672/pseuds/riot3672
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pietro and Wanda have been babysitting Clint's kids for a while, but when they return to babysit the kids a few years after joining the Avengers, they're in for a whole new set of problems: Nathaniel's decided he'd like to be called Natasha, the girls will throw a fit if anyone gets that wrong, and a recently turned twelve-year-old Cooper is just being a plain shit. Can Pietro and Wanda do everything just right enough in order to have reward sex after getting the kids to bed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Worth the Money

Pietro didn’t like kids. They were too small, and sometimes they were too smart for their own good, and sometimes they couldn’t do shit for themselves, and Pietro could never figure out which was which. 

So, when Wanda begged him to babysit Clint’s kids practically the week after he was revived, he grudgingly gave it a shot. 

As it turned out, a year and a half later, he was no better at babysitting these little assholes as he was before. 

The moment he and Wanda arrived for the first babysitting job in months, Clint pulled them in close, like there were actual secrets to be had about how to wrangle his offspring.

“So, Nathaniel’s…going through some stuff right now,” Clint said. 

What, existential crisis about which crayon to color with?

“He…well, he wants to go by Natasha now. She.”

Oh.

“Nat must be happy,” Pietro commented.

Clint rolled his eyes. “You have no idea. But, well, I’m supporting my child, but I also don’t know if he’s for sure transgender but…okay, what I’m saying is call Nathaniel by Natasha and use female pronouns. Lila is really protective over this, and Nat cries if you get it wrong.”

“What about Cooper?” Pietro asked.

“Cooper’s edgy about it, but I already told him that it’s not his decision if Nat wants to be a girl. He’s also been moody lately. Middle school transition and all.”

So a three year old on an odyssey to discover his/her gender, a hyperaware ten year old, and an especially douche-y twelve year old. Great.

“You two got it?” Clint asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Wanda said. 

Wanda elbowed Pietro. “Yeah.”

Clint left with his wife, and the chaos started right on time.

Nathaniel--Natasha came running up in a light blue dress, clutching onto a DVD.

“Can we watch _Frozen_?” he—she asked.

Wanda smiled. “Of course, sweetie. C’mere.” Nat took Wanda’s hand, and his sister took it like a pro. “This is such a pretty dress. Did you just get it?”

“Yeah. Mommy buyed it.”

“How long are you gonna grow your hair out?”

“Long. Like yours!”

Wanda glanced at Nat’s dress.

“Is Elsa your favorite princess?”

“Yeah.”

Cooper lumbered into the living room, handheld gaming system in his hands, stupid looking cap on his head, and sat next to Pietro.

“Your old man says your life sucks,” Pietro joked.

No response.

Pietro glanced at the game Cooper was playing. Looked like Pokemon, but Pietro couldn’t be sure.

“You still learning guitar?”

Nothing.

God, how long had it been? Two minutes?

Pietro upward slapped Cooper’s hat off his head.

“Hey, what the f—?”

Pietro covered Cooper’s mouth. “Not in front of the children.”

Cooper pulled Pietro’s hand off his mouth. “Clint’s right. My life sucks and no, I don’t play guitar anymore. I suck at that too.”

Pietro glanced at Wanda, now sitting between both little Bartons. She glanced back at him, shrugged. 

“If it’s any consolation, I got plenty of girls without any musical ability,” Pietro said.

Cooper gave him a look. “You’re dating your sister.”

“Is she not gorgeous, though?”

Cooper glanced at Wanda, and Pietro swore he stared for a second before he shook his head and dropped his game system. “She’s like my aunt! I don’t wanna think of her like that.”

“Never stopped me,” Pietro said as he winked.

Cooper sank into the couch, crossing his arms. “Yeah, well you two drank each other’s piss in Sokovia. Makes sense you’d go all carnal.”

“Why do you know the word ‘carnal’?” Wanda commented.

“Okay, who’s spreading that rumor?” Pietro snapped.

“Tony,” Cooper said.

Pietro threw his hands up. “You wouldn’t even get any nutritional value from that.”

“So what, you ate each other’s crap instead?”

“No! Why would anyone ever do that?”

“I don’t know. You two are the weird close ones.”

Wanda smirked. “Pietro, he’s right.” Using a hex, Wanda pulled Cooper over to her. “What we really did was cut off bits of each other’s skin and ate it.”

Cooper held his gaze on Wanda, waiting for her to show her bluff, but his sister settled for one of her creepy smiles that was always oddly attractive to him. Cooper scooted back to Pietro.

“Your sister’s crazy,” Cooper whispered to Pietro.

He held back laughter as the moment he looked back to Wanda she was singing along to ‘Do You Want to Build a Snowman?’ with Nat.

“She’s just sheltering you from the truth,” Pietro said.

“What’s worse than cannibalism?”

“I’ll tell ya when your sibs go to bed.”

Cooper sat down and watched ‘Do You Want to Build a Snowman?’ for about fifteen fucking seconds.

“Pietro, let’s go play a game,” Cooper said.

“At your age, ‘play a game’ usually means something more _Saw_ than _Rugrats_.”

“You’re not even watching the movie.”

Cooper stalked off in a typical twelve-year-old fashion, and Pietro settled down to agonize over _Frozen_ until the girls went to bed. Call him a man with misplaced priorities, but he and Wanda loved making love once the kids got to bed. There was something too great about the thrill that came from playing innocent in front of the kids and hiding the naughty stuff in hopes they didn’t wake up. 

Soon enough, ‘Let It Go’ came on, and Pietro sat back and tried is best to not get the song stuck in his head. It was Nat’s favorite song so she’d be singing it for at least the next two hours, so Pietro knew he’d have to mentally prepare.

One minute, Idina Menzel is belting out the chorus, and the next second Pietro experienced the worst fucking pain. It felt vaguely like being shot in Sokovia, but it also didn’t feel like that and…

He turned to Wanda. “Did you hex me?”

Wanda gave him a look. “Why would I do that?”

Pietro rubbed the throbbing patch of his back. Fucking Clint and his fucking house. This was why he still hated babysitting.

He mumbled a response for Wanda and returned to watching the movie.

#

Pietro was much more irritable than usual, and it took Wanda about five seconds to figure out that it was Cooper classically conditioning Pietro to have the flinch reflex upon hearing ‘Let it Go’ by shooting her brother with metal airsoft pellets. She would’ve stopped it, she truly would’ve, but the kid apparently understood that it wasn’t easy to hit Pietro with anything, and had only attempted one trial before going under again. Plus, Wanda had her hands full with Little Natasha and Lila, who dragged her from _Frozen_ to dollhouses to being their ear as they complained about all the stupid boys in their class. She humored them as best she could, but in all honesty, they were exhausting. She had to block out their thoughts to focus on what they were saying, and even though she was totally fluent in English, they spoke so fast it was often hard to translate. 

And then there was Pietro, lying on the couch playing video games with Cooper, neither of them communicating with each other in the least. Pietro would occasionally toss out a bragging insult to Cooper in Sokovian, and Cooper would call Pietro a narcissistic cocksucker in his head in a clear attempt to not get in trouble. 

“I love you, Wanda,” Natasha said as she went to sleep.

Lila went to sleep thanking Wanda for being so good with little Nat. 

Pietro practically threw Cooper to bed before midnight.

“You did a good job with Coop,” Wanda said as she straightened out the living room.

“Thanks,” Pietro replied. “Teenagers are such assholes, though.”

Wanda smiled. “I know. That’s literally all you called him the whole time you beat him at Halo.”

Pietro laughed. “Tell me about how much he loves me.”

Wanda walked up to Pietro, put a hand on his chest. “How about I do that instead?”

Pietro raised his brow. “Ooh, you’re tempting me.”

He settled his hands on her waist, slowly slid them down. 

“So, since we did such good jobs playing Mommy and Daddy…”

She put her hands over his, slid them down past her hips, settled them on her ass. 

“I think we deserve a little treat,” he said.

Her hands migrated upward, one into his hair, the other under his shirt. 

She leaned in close. “The kids are asleep.”

He brought his lips to hers first, but she lost herself in their kiss within seconds. She didn’t know if it was time or the person, but she always did that, forgot where Pietro started and she ended. It was probably something to do with her powers. It was so interesting to her sometimes, how she just accepted this psychic link between her and her brother. It was an immersive experience she wouldn’t trade for anything.

As Pietro’s tongue snaked around her mouth, he gave her ass a good squeeze. She pulled them apart just long enough to get his shirt off. He snapped them apart to get hers off. 

She could’ve shed their clothing slower, but it was Pietro after all. He had them shaking out of jeans and sliding off shoes and socks within a minute. 

“Any requests tonight?” she asked.

“Just one.” He kissed her ear, softly. “I keep having this,” he kissed the skin behind her ear, “fantasy,” she gasped as he kissed that perfect spot of sensitive skin on her throat, “about taking you from behind.”

Wanda smiled. “I have one rule.”

He kissed the hollow at the base of her neck. “What?”

“I want to cum.” She reached down and squeezed his package. “A lot.”

He met her gaze, that giddy, cocky grin slapped on his face. “You’ve got a deal, Mommy.”

They kissed and fingered their way out of their underwear and onto the couch. Wanda on her hands and knees while Pietro snuggled his way in from the back. God, she loved the way he could be affectionate even while in doggy position, kissing the back of her neck as he steadied himself, hands on her hips.

“Ready, baby girl?” he asked.

“Whenever you are.”

He entered her slowly, careful to test the waters before plunging tip to base. She tensed. For all she joked about Pietro being quick, she was sure eager to get down to the fun part. 

“You good?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

She shuddered when he did that first deep thrust. They didn’t do doggy style much—they hated not being able to look into each other’s eyes—but God, he could reach every spot she could beg for. And being in his mind, getting that raw aggressive pleasure from whatever it was guys liked so much about doggy style, she was set. 

Even if he couldn’t read her mind, Pietro knew exactly what she wanted. The moment he got himself settled inside her, his arm snaked around and he palmed her clit. She inhaled sharply, and glimpsed Pietro smile in her peripheral vision.

He circled her clit, pressed down harder, made her tense and wriggle and resist making a sound to wake the kids. 

“God, you’re practically leaking,” Pietro said.

“Make it flood,” she hissed back.

He kissed her, stroked a path over her clit, gave it a little flick. 

She shut her eyes and leaned her head against Pietro’s. He was still warming her g-spot up, but she could feel the muscles tense as Pietro shot her clit off. 

God, she lived for this. That growing tension, the way she’d hold her breath as if it’d push the pressure on the bursting dam, the way she’d dig her nails into the couch and just wait for that explosion. 

She orgasmed with a gasp and a puttering of Pietro’s name through ragged breaths and mutterings of “oh.” 

“Don’t wake the kids,” Pietro joked as he kissed her cheek.

She groaned again as she found a grip back on reality. It was so intense she wasn’t not convinced that her ears had popped. 

“Go again,” she said. 

His hand returned to her still pulsing clit and he started his dance again, softer around her lips as her sensitivity wore down. Just when she thought she had her heart steady, he got her beating like a hummingbird. And Jesus, after that first orgasm, every thrust against her g-spot felt that much more amazing. 

She felt herself get wound right back up again. She reminded herself to breathe this time, even if they came out in quick puffs. She strained against the sensitive areas, bulldozing through for the pleasure. Pietro moaned, almost a growl deep in his throat, his thrusting growing faster. He reached around with his free hand and took grip on her breast, pressing his arm against her. She leaned back and grabbed onto his arm, pressed her face against his. 

Neither of them said a word beyond gasps of, “Oh, oh, oh!” falling into that peak and fall of orgasm together.

_Oh, oh, oh_

Oh.

My God.

Wanda opened her eyes just long enough to see Cooper standing right in sight of them both, nothing but his pajama bottoms and that airsoft gun he’d been using to shoot Pietro with. His eyes were wide, his jaw a little slack, but God…God, she was buck fucking naked full frontal facing him, assuming Pietro was doing a good job of covering up her tits and sex and—

—and Clint’s twelve-year-old son had a boner. 

For a while, no one moved. Pietro stopped thrusting, and all of them maintained eye contact. She was too shocked to even count the seconds.

_ Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock… _

_ dingdingding _

Wanda hexed Pietro off of her and onto the floor below, she practically created a storm inside the house in an attempt to get her clothes, Cooper ran off, and all of them did it making the most pathetic, “uhnn” sounds.

“Oh, God, what do we do now?” Pietro groaned.

He slipped on his pants, and proceeded to cup his package like an injured bird.

Once Wanda had clothing secured on her body, she started her search. 

“Poor kid,” she muttered.

“Why was he holding an airsoft gun?”

She’d tell him later. “I should probably talk to him.”

“He got a boner seeing you naked. I don’t think he needs to see you again.”

“But what if he’s ashamed of himself?”

“Wouldn’t you know if he was?”

She would.

And he was.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“Wipe his memory while you’re at it.”

She shook her head. “Screw off, ‘tro.”

“Ahh, with these blue balls, I’m gonna have to.”

Wanda threw her hair into a ponytail in some attempt to tame the sex look, made sure clothing looked decent, and padded over to Cooper’s bedroom.

She gave his door a soft rap and checked his mind for a status update. His aura was more negative than usual, that shame-tinged movie of the past few minutes playing on an endless loop in his head.

“Go away, Pietro,” Cooper said.

“It’s not Pietro,” Wanda replied. She cracked the door open just a smidgen, but didn’t look in. “Can we talk for a second?”

“About what?”

Wanda took that as an invitation in. Cooper sat on the edge of his bed, any signs that he’d previously been aroused gone. Quite frankly, Wanda had no desire to see how he changed states. 

She took a seat next to him.

“Are you here to make fun of me?” he muttered.

Wanda gave him a look. “I’m the one who got caught completely naked having doggy sex with my brother while on a babysitting job and you think _I_ have any material to make fun of _you_?”

“I know you noticed. And so did Pietro.”

“Cooper, there was nothing wrong with what you did. I mean, ignoring the fact that you’ve been trying to shoot my brother with metal pellets.”

“But I should’ve left the second I realized it. I looked at…at it. And…God, I’m just—why did I do that?”

“You didn’t do anything. When Pietro was younger he used to get erections from everything too. Look, bottom line, I’m not an expert on anything related to sexuality, so maybe you could ask your parents about this—”

“Don’t tell Dad!”

“—but all I’m saying is Pietro and I aren’t mad that you looked at me naked. We’re,” she rubbed her arm, “actually mortified. You’re…You’re fine.”

“But you’re supposed to be like my aunt. I shouldn’t be looking at my aunt like that. Dad would be so mad if he knew that I…ever saw you like that.”

“You saw me like that for a few real seconds where the real image was in front of you. There’s a big difference between that and jacking off to pictures of me.” Wanda paused. No, he didn’t do that. Thank God. “Just relax, sweetie. Nothing bad happened.”

Cooper inhaled, exhaled. “So you’re not mad that I saw you naked?”

“No.”

“I’m still kinda sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She patted his hand before taking her leave. “It’s late. Please go to bed so your dad will pay us.”

When Wanda returned to the living room, Pietro had finished furiously masturbating in the powder room, his thoughts she’d had to endure throughout that entire talk with Cooper.

“How’d it go?” Pietro asked.

“I’m gonna…soften his memory once he goes to sleep. People have weird dreams, right?”

“For sure.” There was a pause. “So, I accidentally ruined that. Do you want me to eat you out, something like that?”

She sunk into the sofa. “I’ll take a rain check. These kids are exhausting.”

She snuggled into him, head on shoulder. “By the way, if you were wondering about the gun, he’d been trying to classically condition you to have a pain response when you heard ‘Let it Go.’ Metal pellets.”

Pietro scowled. Paused. Got up. 

Returned a few seconds later. Cooper's thoughts were suddenly filled with unfiltered horror.

"What did you just do?" Wanda asked, knowing she'd regret the answer.

"I told him that we used to consume each other's sexual fluids as calories while starving in Sokovia."

Beat. "You have no sense of maturity, do you?"

"Serves the little asshole right."

 


End file.
